darkness

these past few months i’ve convinced myself I was happy- maybe i was. but, little discrepancies leaked through the exterior. realizing that you’re not truly happy if you have to tell yourself not to look at sad things, because they’d break the false illusion. summer has a funny effect on me- it’s when I feel darkness the most. it’s when I can taste smoke in my lungs and anxiety lives in my veins. because the truth is, I am not fine. constantly staring at a digitalized screen, not being able to pick up a pen to attempt to even describe the slightest hint of whaha occurring inside my mind. inspiration has exited. maybe happiness is fleeting, it comes and goes in cycles. but it appears  that darkness has planted a permanent residench status.