Release Expectations

Sometime’s we focus on the small picture, obliviously mistaken for the larger picture. Sometimes we read the footnotes, thinking it is all we need. Our timeline has made it us perceive rushing through experiences to be an essential way of being. This hasty way of thinking does not serve. Another aspect of acting with intentions of obtaining a summary is labeling. We might see ’11:11′ on the clock, immediately classifying the meaning of your soulmate being on the way. We may run into past soul ties,it must being we need to reconcile, right? Also, false.

Signs, past returns, synchronicity, and the like can easily fall into the trap our ego sets up. Any sign, no matter the context, is just a sign. We will find out the significance for this experience, in time. Our ego feeds off experiences by limiting their beauty into a confined box. It is the child in the car, eager. Unable to control their curiosity, until they know where they’re going. The ego falls into a state of loneliness and lack when it does not label. When it does not see the end route as soon as the journey begins. The ego cannot, and will not, wait.

Pisces season is the time where mutable water runs deep, through cracks and hollows. It illuminates the hidden, good or bad. With Mercury stationing retrograde on March 5th, we will be asked to re-assess. Re-assess what was once buried, re-asses where we have fallen into the trap of labeling. Re-assess where we are illusory. This new moon in Pisces (just a day later after Retrograde begins). The new moon in Pisces combined with the crackled, misunderstood communication in lieu of the retrograde, provides the perfect environment for labeling. The perfect environment of tricking ourselves into escapism, we will be tempted to just read the book cover – not the chapters.

Take this time to abstain from assigning meaning to what enters your life during this month. Take time to abstain from reaching out to those who have hurt you, communication will not be optimal. Take time to be patient. Pisces season will open your capacity for self-exploration in many domains – make sure to flow with the water and not let it drown you.

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Listen, it’s here.

Peridot – the lime-green lattice stares back to my transmitters.
Their cocoa tint analyze molecular carbon formations.
Breaking.
Forming.
Ceaselessly.
My oxygenated cells mimic the Peridot hue and scent – only at a lower frequency.
The yin and yang – spiritually clings to the notes of physicality.
It’s funny, actually.

The Universe surrounds its light of etheral goodness around you, a sheath cauterizing the mutualism between the tangible and the Unseen.
Meanwhile,,, I sit in a dark corner wondering where my blessings have vanished to.

‘Look around, child. Blessings radiate around your soul.’

— sa

To Those Who Are A Little Sad in Autumn

Dear you,

It seems as if the cool forecast travels deep into your bones, surpassing your muscular tissue, surpassing your stability.. it travels down to where it truly hurts. Of course, you fight it. How can you let the mere weather threaten all of the work you’ve done? Those countless nights spent in the dark: analyzing those gritty parts no one wants to look at. Wondering why you could have possibly messed up your past. Ripping apart those old templates of yourself. That shit takes work… and not the kind anyone can possibly enjoy until they’re finished. Looking back on the project you’ve started called yourself, overjoyed that you’ve made it.

But that damn cold weather. It challenges you to question your hard-earned work. It challenges that adult that resides within you, tempting the id child to lash out once again. In short, it challenges you.

So, this is for all of us who struggle when the temperature drops. This is for the warriors, the once who are terrified at the thought of relapsing. Let me tell you a secret, love: life is cyclical. Better yet, within those cycles are waves of highs and lows. Neither can be avoided, neither can be prolonged more than you can handle. Particles of the sun are made of you, just like particles of Pluto are made of you. The balance of these energies becomes the goal.

Sending my support for those affected, your hard work has and never will be shed.

Yours truly x

Do You Remember the 21st of September?

Goodbye, August. You carried me through the waves of life, cycles that were re-opened and re-closed. I could tell you wanted to end so quickly, what were you running from? Or running towards? Perhaps, you just wanted peace. Anyways, your hastiness caused an upheaval of spiraling emotions within us all. We were all individuals bits of the salad, molecular components of: tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, dressing. You were the tongs. Your control frightened us, to be frank.

We ask ourselves, on the 27th of August, what lessons have we learned as a whole? What lessons were customarily engraved just for me? For one, the whole needed their realities questioned. They ask, “Is this what truly makes me happy?”, “Am I on the right path?”, “Why do I feel off about XYZ?”.

I ask, “What do I stand for?”.

Truth. Grounded stability. Changes that better support my foundation, not falter it. In this month, my emotions could not keep a grasp on  a singular stance. Fleeting in all directions, in all vibrations. Today, I feel more different than I have in my 21 years of such a short life. No longer do I leave ellipses for the unknown. No longer am I unable to embody concrete establishments. No longer do I waver. Today, on the 27th of August, I answer myself: my truth is unraveling. A red carpet runway calling out my name to walk upon. Integrating with what I have striven for. And yet, the journey has just begun.

 

So, I welcome the 21st of September. I welcome stability. I welcome knowing what I resonate with and what does not resonate with my inner being. I welcome love, friendships, future prospects. I welcome Earth, Wind, & Fire.

 

 

for you, to you

speckles of warm melodies revolve around your etheric body

they hum the thoughts you were never able to voice

their sad tunes reflect

regret, loss, defeat.

all i wanted.

but then, the cello beams brilliantly

its strong hues reckon truth be revealed.

expansive. Jupiter.

you know damn well.

these are the melodies your soul sings

these are the hymns i hear, my bird.

these are the

confessions of your love.

do not fret,

i can see you.

 

– SA

Stacy: The Odd One Out

This is Stacy’s Story:

 

I was born in South Korea, came to the states at seven years old. I spent majority of my life in the states. I lived in Fort Worth then moved to a small town called Mineral Wells and continued my middle school education and there onward.

I had a hard a time growing up because racism and never-ending bullying. During the hard times, my goal was to go to UT and make my parents proud. We came to the States w nothing but a vision for a greater life for me and my younger sister. It was incredibly hard for them, to have nothing and come to the US and build a foundation for 20 years.

In High School, no one can relate to me. We were the only Asians and no one in our world wanted to know anything outside of their tiny, little boxes.

I was very naive and quiet… socially awkward. Reason I got bullied, was because the town was very conservative and in the middle of no where. My parents had a business and did well, but i never flaunted what we had. My materials (school supplies, clothes, anything else) were cheap and mostly consisted of savings, yet others assumed I had money and gave me shit for it. Bullying happened because I was different, yet was able to get what I needed. They didn’t accept me.

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There was definitely a cultural difference. The town is low class and has a lot of drugs, very poor town with low education.  I was bullied because I had a different culture and it was also jealousy because I  did well in primary school without much effort. College was different story, I struggled so much with academics and my future. In High School, it was different.

I was in ESL for three years, English is my second language.  Before I moved to Mineral Wells, people liked me in elementary. Mainly because I grew up in Fort Worth city. I was surrounded by Blacks, Latinos, Asians. I fit in there.

It was interesting in my small town, seeing minority ‘fit in’ in fear of also being ridiculed by the white population. They ‘acted’ white and ridiculed me also. Which is funny, because our struggles were similar. They had the  ‘be with them rather than against them’ mentality. I think the racism I encountered by the white population was mainly because my family was stable despite the trouble, we were grounded and had a good future in terms of education. The town was poor, but my parents sacrificed so much. They also gained a lot to help us achieve an education.

My reaction to bullying: I went into my shell and it hindered me when I was younger because I was ultra-sensitive. Got made of for my real name (Seung yeon), things a child shouldn’t ever have to go through. How awful is it to deal with being made of for something I had no control over?

 

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I was able to overcome the hardships and it made me grow because at home I had a solid family  foundation. It obviously hurt my folks, but we stuck together, along with my little sister.

My sisters class was different, they liked her. They thought of her as ‘fascinating’ because she was unique and the ‘girl from a different country’.

In middle school, people were nice but spread rumors.  Shit like ‘she told this person this’, childish things and I was the target.

What hurt me most: this one girl everyone disliked got popular, she then made people turn their backs on me. I never talked shit or looked down on her. It’s almost like her subconscious needed to place blame on someone else (me) to take the target off her back and keep her popularity.

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I tried laughing with them than be laughed at, but it got old. I was bad at confrontation and showed me emotions too much. Me crying easily was a joke to them.

Now at 26, those experiences helped me realize some things you can’t take too serious and how to protect myself from those experiences again. I’m better at standing my ground but still am ‘very weak and sensitive’. It helped me not judge people by the book and get to know them. Because I had that happen to me. I was that girl, so I try not engage in the same rude behavior.”